


Tally Mark

by supercalvin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 05:25:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2761262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercalvin/pseuds/supercalvin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone falls in love, a red tally mark appears on their wrist. When the love is returned, the mark turns black. When someone falls out of love, the mark fades, but never entirely. When the person you love dies, the mark turns into a scar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tally Mark

**Author's Note:**

> [Russian Translation by ElenaE](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5248550)
> 
> This is my Christmas/Winter Solstice/Hanukkah/New Year's gift to everyone! Enjoy! 
> 
> **Edit:**
> 
> Quinn Anderson is the creator of this original idea. The tumblr post was stolen and the original fic where this idea came from is called [With All My Heart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/719229?view_full_work=true) by [QuinnAnderson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/QuinnAnderson/pseuds/QuinnAnderson). The author is having the idea of marks (aka "Adorations") turned into a book.

After a long day at work, Arthur and Merlin decided to make themselves dinner and relax. Unfortunately, neither of them was very good at cooking so they resorted to making pasta, something which even Arthur could not ruin.

Merlin pushed up his sleeves and started stirring the sauce. “Come on, I think even you could make pasta. How did you ever survive uni?”

Merlin laughing at him, but Arthur was distracted. He felt like he could hear Merlin but only from far away as his eyes focused in on Merlin’s forearm. On the inside of his wrist there was a single white mark. Arthur couldn’t believe it and he almost thought he wasn’t seeing correctly.

Merlin only had one mark. _One_. That was it. Arthur had always believed Merlin’s forearm to be covered in tally marks. There were people who always covered their arms, not wanting to give away their past and current love life, and Arthur had just figured that was why Merlin covered his arms. But he had always thought Merlin was afraid people would judge him for all the marks he had. _Merlin wore his heart on his sleeve_ , _how could he only have one mark?_

A scar. Arthur hadn’t seen many scars on young people’s arms. A scar meant that the person you love had died. His father’s one and only tally mark was a scar on his inner forearm, for Arthur’s mother. But Merlin…Dear God. Arthur felt like he knew nothing of his closest friend. Merlin had loved and lost, and Arthur had only thought he was Arthur’s flirty and foolish assistant.

“Arthur? What are you-?” Merlin noticed where he was looking and Arthur saw his entire face light up with a bright blush. “Sorry.”  He stuttered, though Arthur had no clue why he was apologizing.

“You have a scar.” Arthur inwardly cringed at his crassness, but he couldn’t deny that Merlin had seen him looking.

“Yes.” Merlin said, looking away from him. He turned off the stove and started pouring the sauce over the pasta. It was too quiet and Arthur felt terrible for ruining the cheerful mood. As they sat down Merlin answered his unasked question.

“I was only 13. Freya was a girl at my school. She had leukemia.” Merlin set down their beers and gestured for Arthur to sit.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur managed to say. He never had to deal with something like that. He hadn’t lost any of his friends and he had been too young to remember his mother.

“It’s okay. She’s happy where she is now.”

Arthur nodded and eventually, after a long silence of awkward mourning and wandering minds, they moved on to other topics. Arthur was beginning to wonder if he really knew his assistant (and if he was being honest, his closest friend) at all.

People had different ways of dealing with the marks. The average per lifetime was two marks, but that didn’t mean there were people without any marks or more than ten (though those were extremely rare). Some people wore their marks like proud medals. Most of those people had solid black marks and they usually only one or two marks in total. They were in a committed and happy relationship with nothing to worry about. Some people covered their forearms with tattoos, never knowing what marks appeared on their arm. Gwaine was such a person, and Arthur didn’t judge him for it. If anything, he respected Gwaine for letting the Fates play out. 

Some people were like Arthur, hiding his marks from everyone. Arthur was a private person and he liked to keep his feelings close to the vest. Though according to Morgana, he was emotionally stunted because he didn’t like to talk about his feelings. But this was coming from a woman who refused to admit she was in love when she had a bright red line on her wrist. At least Arthur acknowledged the tally marks for what they were.

Arthur was twenty seven years old and he had five tally marks. That was three tally marks over what the average person had in their _entire_ lifetime.

The first tally mark appeared in secondary school when he fell in love with Gwen. It had been red and soon turned to black. But it didn’t last longer than a year. When Gwen met Lance both of them developed black tally marks as soon as they clapped eyes on each other. Black tally mark at first sight wasn’t an uncommon phenomenon.

It was an awkward and terrible breakup when Gwen and Arthur found out that her mark for Arthur had faded and Arthur’s had turned back to red. Now Gwen’s mark on Arthur was only a faint pinkish-grey mark on his wrist.

The next two marks were during university. Sophia and Vivain. Both tally marks never turned black. Looking back on it, Sophia had never even remotely liked him. But Arthur had loved her, thinking she would come to love him over time and they would live a happy life together. His heart had been broken when she cheated on him (more than once, if his sources were correct). He had stupidly been hoping she would be The One and she had been using him like he meant nothing.  

Next was Vivian. She was supposed to be a short fling, something that was just for fun and get his mind off Sophia. Unfortunately Arthur’s heart had ideas of its own. The red tally mark appeared on his wrist anyways. She broke up with him as soon as she saw the mark. She had said that the only way to make sure Arthur’s feelings didn’t continue was if they broke up. Although, dropping him like a hat wasn’t the kindest act. Arthur still believed that his heart would not have been so shattered if she had just things play out.

Both Sophia and Vivian’s marks were light pink on his forearm, fainter than Gwen’s mark. He had a theory that the more important people left darker marks.

Arthur hadn’t meant to fall in love the fourth time (though to be fair, he never meant to fall in love all the other times either). But this time he had purposefully tried not to fall in love. He had tried everything to avoid girls, dating, and even one-night stands. He had sworn off love. But as he avoided love, he spent more time with his friends and that only brought him closer to his next love.

He slowly fell in love with his childhood friend, Elena. She was sweet and loveable; it was hard not to fall for her. Unlike the previous two, this tally mark turned black, but only for a short period of time. They dated for a while and Arthur was surprised when he was the one to initiate the break up. They both realized that they were better as friends than as a couple and that was that. Now the mark on his arm was a light grey.

The next and final tally mark was from a man named Owain. It had never turned black either, but Arthur always thought of Owain differently than Sophia or Vivian. It was the first time that Arthur fell in love with a man, and he held it close to the vest.

When he first got the mark, he didn’t know why it had appeared. He hadn’t been dating anyone and there were no girls who he was close to. Then one night, he saw Owain across the pub after a day of footie and he realized what had happened. It was a slow process of acceptance, but when he finally let it happen, he fell head over heels for Owain. He never asked Owain out and he never got his heart broken. Arthur always thought of it as something that needed to happen. He’d fallen out of love, and now the mark on his arm was a light pink, though darker than Sophia’s and Vivian’s marks.

Five marks was certainly a lot, especially in comparison to the average two per lifetime. Arthur was self-conscious about his marks. Only a few people knew how many marks he had and even less knew the person related to the mark.

Morgana, to Arthur’s dismay, was one of the few people who knew everything about Arthur’s marks. She said that Arthur shouldn’t be ashamed of them. She had said that it might tell his employees that he actually had a soul. But Arthur knew the kind of assumptions that came with having too many marks. A person with too many marks was naively carefree, too trusting, and simple fools. (Not to mention a bit of a slag).

For Arthur, the marks showed something that was too personal: how many times he had loved, how many times it had been unrequited, and how many times it had faded. And when a mark was bright red or dark black, everyone would know the state of your love life. It was too personal for Arthur to show anyone, so he covered them with his dress shirts and jackets.

He covered his arms and no one questioned it. He hadn’t gotten a mark in years, and considering Arthur’s record, that was impressive. He had sworn off love, deciding that having loved five times in one lifetime was far over what he needed out of life. He had had his heart trampled on enough. He was done with the marks. All his marks were faded. They were now in the past and for once they didn’t matter to him.

Then the sixth tally mark appeared and Arthur panicked.

There was an entire week (and if he was being honest, a month) where he did nothing but work. He knew he was over working, especially since the same employees who talked behind his back were giving him pitying looks and being exceedingly nice to him. He went to work early and he left late. By the time he went back to his flat he was exhausted, but even that didn’t stop his brain from roaming to the sixth mark on his wrist.

He pretended that he didn’t know who had caused the mark. He pretended that he couldn’t figure out who was the most important person in his life. He pretended not to know which laugh made his heart lift, sweeping away Arthur’s stresses. He ignored the eyes of someone who watched and worried over him. He told himself that he did not seek imperative advice from one specific person. He restrained from knowing the lips with the perfect cupid’s bow.

By the end of the month, he was hardly able to convince himself that he wasn’t in love. The damning evidence was right on his forearm, five marks above his wrist. He could not kid himself any longer. He was in love with Merlin. His personal assistant and his best friend. So what else was he supposed to do than treat him terribly? Maybe if Merlin hated him or maybe if Arthur learned to hate Merlin, than Arthur would be rid of love and its heartbreak forever.

To say the least, Arthur’s plan did not work. The more tasks he gave Merlin, the more Merlin exceeded his expectations. The more he avoided Merlin, the more Merlin sought him out. The more unpleasant Arthur became, the more Merlin asked what was wrong. Everything Arthur did, Merlin counterattacked perfectly. If anything, Arthur was falling deeper in love rather than climbing out of the mess.

At the end of that month, he called Leon in the middle of what Arthur would never admit was a panic attack. Leon came over, and that bastard brought his sister too. He knew Leon was trying to be helpful, and to be fair Arthur had gone to his sister for advice before, but Morgana wasn’t a very empathetic person. She teased Arthur for panicking over a little red mark and told him that falling in love wasn’t a something to worry about.

The adrenaline of panic had only just simmered down in his veins, causing him to be tired and irritated. He had snapped at her, as he pushed up his sleeve where there were now six tally marks. “I think I’m a better judge of what love is, don’t you think?” he had sneered. With her single tally mark, she was less judgmental for the rest of the night.

Morgana told him to go for it and ask Merlin out. Leon had told him to think about it before he did anything. Both of these pieces of advice were terrible (and he had told them so). What was worse, was that he wanted to ask Merlin’s advice on something that directly involved him.

The problem with Morgana’s advice was that she didn’t understand that Arthur was scared out of his mind. He had fallen in love too many times and most of them had ended in heartbreak. He didn’t want Merlin to just be another one of his tally marks. This sixth mark felt different. He hadn’t been in a relationship appeared and he had slowly (if not reluctantly) seen it coming. Merlin was someone who meant so much more to Arthur than anyone else.

The problem with Leon’s advice was that he didn’t understand that Arthur had already been thinking about it over the last month. For one thing, Merlin was his assistant, not to mention Arthur’s best friend. Falling in love with him wasn’t supposed to happen. Arthur wanted this love to fade, and at the same time, he never wanted to stop loving Merlin. If the mark faded and everything went back to the way it was, would Arthur have missed an opportunity that would never come again?

So Arthur ignored the mark. Or rather, he made his decision not to do anything because going for it would end in heartbreak and thinking about it would only make him more infatuated. So he ignored it and did nothing.

Arthur was having another stressful day. Work was piling up on his desk and a project had gone terribly wrong in one of his departments. He had given the project to an untested employee, hoping to give them a chance to prove themselves, and they ended up abusing the power he had given them. It was like a horrible nightmare and it only added onto his horrible month.

“Arthur?” Merlin peeked around his door, with a cautious voice.

To make things worse, Merlin was wearing the tie Arthur had bought him for Christmas (bright blue against a navy blue shirt). Plus, Merlin knew that Arthur was stressed and that only made his idiot of an assistant worry over him. Usually it made Arthur feel better to know Merlin worried over him, but it only made him feel worse today. He had to remind himself that it wasn’t Merlin’s fault.

“What is it Merlin?” Arthur rubbed his forehead, lifting his head from where it had been resting in his hands.

Merlin stepped into his office carefully as if he was afraid Arthur would yell at him. To be fair, that had happened a lot lately. Not like that would faze Merlin, he would only yell back. “You alright? Do want me to get you a tea?”

Arthur turned away. He needed to do something with his hands so he pretended to retrieve a file from the filing cabinet. “I think I’m going to go home early.”

“ _Really_?” Merlin asked in a surprised tone. “You really should. You’ve been wearing yourself thin, but I didn’t think you would go home even if I suggested it.”

“No…I trust you to finish off what happened with Gilli. And I’m just…not feeling up to it.” He closed the cabinet without taking a file from it and he hoped Merlin didn’t notice. He started to pack up his things, not looking at Merlin.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I can come by later and drop off some food if you want.”

“No.” Arthur answered too quickly. “Thank you though. I might try making myself pasta.”

Merlin smiled a little at him, knowing it was supposed to be a joke, but Arthur wasn’t fooling anyone into thinking he was in a joking mood.

“Okay.”

As Arthur closed up his briefcase, Merlin turned back to look at him. “You know…” He looked up at Arthur with big blue eyes, sincerity running through them, “It wasn’t your fault. What happened with Gilli.”

“Yes it was, Merlin. I shouldn’t have given him my trust.”

“You didn’t know what he would do with it. You were trying to give him an opportunity and he abused it. He betrayed your trust and that is _his_ fault, not yours.”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t trust so easily.” Arthur snapped, accidently emphasizing his words when he slapped his briefcase onto his desk. Merlin jumped in surprise. Arthur let out a distraught sigh and shook his head. “Sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow, Merlin.”

He was passing Merlin on his way out the door when Merlin caught his arm. “You’re a good man, Arthur.”

Arthur watched Merlin, his face brazenly earnest. Arthur thought of the red mark on his forearm and had a strong feeling that it was never going to fade. He nodded his head, loosened his arm from Merlin’s grasp, and left without a word.

“It’s Friday night and I’m concerned for you.”

“Now you’re sounding like Morgana.” Arthur grumbled from behind his desk. It was far past Merlin’s time to get off work, which meant he really was worried for Arthur. He sat across from Arthur and stared at him as Arthur tried to study the report on his computer screen.

“Please, if I wanted to sound like Morgana I’d put more bitterness and cursing into it.”

“True” Arthur laughed, feeling a little bit better.

“Come on.” Merlin turned off the computer, dragged him out of his desk chair, and Arthur didn’t have any choice but to follow Merlin out of the office.

They went back to Merlin’s flat which was small, messy, and filled with Merlin’s knick-knacks. Arthur thought of his big apartment, filled with the necessities rather than things he had bought on a whim. Despite how different Merlin’s flat was to his own, Arthur loved it and he didn’t like thinking about how much that said about the little red mark.

Since neither of them wanted to cook, they had picked up some curry and now they sat at Merlin’s coffee table and ate on the floor.

“Arthur, I have a question.”

Arthur took a drink of his beer. “I have an answer.”

“What was with you lately? You seemed stressed out.”

Arthur shrugged, lying easily. “Just work. Having a bad week. It happens, you know.”

“Yeah” Merlin let the answer slide, even though he knew Arthur had pushed off his question, and they drifted back into comfortable silence.

Then Merlin asked another question; one that Arthur didn’t want to answer. “I’ve never seen your tally marks.”

Arthur stopped eating. He lowered his food and looked up at Merlin. For once Merlin looked embarrassed at having brought up a personal topic, but also earnestly curious.

Merlin ducked his head, “If you have any, that is. I don’t actually know.”

Arthur snorted out a laugh before he could stop himself. Merlin looked surprised at Arthur’s reaction, and Arthur didn’t blame him. Not many people knew about Arthur’s tally marks. Many people, especially at work, thought he was a heartless bastard. Who would know the truth?

“Yeah I have tally marks. More than you would think.”

“Really?” Merlin perked up, obviously glad that he had received an answer from Arthur. All Arthur could think of was that little red mark.

Arthur nodded and tried to go back to eating his food. This time, Merlin didn’t let the subject drop.

“How many?”

He thought about not answering. He thought about lying. But there was a tally mark on his arm telling him that even if Arthur tried to lie, he wouldn’t be very convincing.

“Six.” Arthur didn’t look at Merlin, instead he pretended to look extremely interested in his noodles, picking through them as if he needed the perfect noodle. The silence lasted too long.

“ _Six_.” Merlin repeated in a tone that suggested he was dumbfounded.

“Yes. Is that a problem?” Arthur tried to keep his voice normal, but it came out cold and sharp. He knew Merlin could see the embarrassed flush in his neck and ears. Merlin’s eyes were wide and his mouth hung open a little.

“I- No, of course not. _Six_. Jesus Christ. I thought you might have _one_. Two at the most.”

“Yes. _Six_. Okay?” Arthur snapped, looking accusingly down at his food, “Apparently, I never learn my lesson and give myself away too easily.” He stabbed at his noodles and tried not to look up at Merlin who was probably giving him a shocked or pitying look. Arthur didn’t want to see either from Merlin.

“ _Arthur_. Having a big heart isn’t a bad thing.”

“Now you sound exactly like Morgana.” Arthur sneered, trying and failing to take the bitterness out of his tone.

Merlin didn’t answer that. Arthur was at least grateful that Merlin didn’t ask to see the marks.

They threw away the cartons and went back to the living room and watched a movie. Arthur had to keep focused on the film. If he didn’t focus on the film, then his mind would drift to Merlin and his marks. He would think of how much he wished Merlin would lay his head down in Arthur’s lap so he could run his fingers through his thick black hair as they watched the film. He would think of the single scar on Merlin’s wrist and the six on his own forearm. He would think of the way Merlin’s eyes had been wide with shock to find out that Arthur had loved six times.

When Arthur was leaving, saying his good byes, Merlin asked him “How many of them turned black?”

For once Arthur wanted to play dumb, but he knew exactly what Merlin was talking about. “Two.” He said honestly, “Gwen was one of them.”

Merlin nodded his head, knowing how badly that story ended. Now Merlin knew that four of them were red. Four times Arthur had loved and not been loved in return. He didn’t want Merlin’s sympathy and he definitely didn’t want Merlin to find out that one of his marks was bright red, fresh with love.

“I’ll see you Monday.” Arthur left quickly.

Arthur had been starting to dread Monday. Going to work meant that he had to see Merlin, and unlike before, Merlin knew how many tally marks were on Arthur’s arm.

He got to work earlier than usual and he had a feeling today was going to be one of those nose to the grindstone kind of days where he arrived early and left late. He hoped he would be exhausted enough not to think when he got home. He was already going through a file for his next project when Merlin arrived.

“Arthur?” Merlin was out of breath. He wasn’t late for work, if anything, he was an hour _early_. Merlin never came to work _on time_ , let alone early.

“Merlin? What the hell are you doing here?” He asked.

“God I know I must look like a crazed man, but I’m just- I couldn’t sleep last night and I wondered if maybe you were here. And here you are.” Merlin made a gesture with his hands to Arthur.

“Yes, here I am.” He eyed Merlin’s rumpled shirt and bed head.  “Are you alright?” He looked the way he did when he was running exceptionally late, not exceptionally early.

“I know this isn’t the time or place. But I’m freaking out. I got a tally mark.”

“ _What_?” Arthur choked.

“I haven’t gotten a mark since I was _thirteen_.” Merlin was hastily pushing up his sleeve and revealing his forearm to Arthur. The white scar was still on Merlin’s wrist, but next to it was an inky black mark. Arthur felt the blood rush from his face and his vision blur, as if he was going to faint. He sucked in a breath to steady himself and looked back up at Merlin.

“I’m freaking out.” Merlin was muttering, grabbing his own wrist as if it were accusing him of something. Arthur knew that feeling all too well. “I’ve dated people and I’ve felt like I might love them, but a mark has never appeared. This is the first time in over ten years and not only that but it’s _black_. I don’t get it. Don’t they start off red? Arthur, you know right?”

Merlin was in love with someone and they loved him back. Arthur’s heart dropped into his stomach in despair. Then he looked back at Merlin, his eyes bright with confusion and pacing back in forth in Arthur’s office. Merlin had gone to Arthur for help. Something like hope rose in his chest.

Slowly he rolled up his sleeve. He had been avoiding looking at the mark all month. Pushing the fabric of his white shirt aside, he looked at his tally marks. A dull pink one for Gwen. Two light pink marks for Sophia and Vivian. A faint grey one for Elena. A dark pink one for Owain. A dark black one for Merlin.

Arthur let out a sound that must have sounded wrecked, but it was supposed to be a sigh of relief.

“Arthur?” Merlin stopped pacing long enough to look over his shoulder. Arthur covered his mouth, ashamed at the whimper that had escaped him. Merlin loved him. He was confused as a baby deer about it, but he _loved_ Arthur.

“When did your tally mark appear?” Arthur asked, trying to keep his voice steady instead of turning into a high pitched noise.

“Last night. At first I thought I got something on me and then it got darker and darker- Freaked me out. I couldn’t sleep. Why-?” Merlin’s panicked rambling cut off when he looked down to Arthur’s arm. Merlin moved forward to the other side of his desk and took Arthur’s wrist in his hand, looking carefully at the marks. The black line was the most prominent on Arthur’s arm. All of a sudden the air in the room felt very still.

“Arthur…” Merlin traced the marks slowly, lingering on the black one. “When did that appear?”

“It was red the last time I checked.” Arthur shook his head in confusion, “A day ago? It might have changed last night at the same time you were freaking out.”

Merlin looked up at Arthur and asked in a low voice, “You love me?”

Arthur took his arm back from Merlin’s grip. He covered the accusing marks with his hand, and wished there were less. “I know it doesn’t mean much. Not when I have so many marks, but yes, I do.”

“Doesn’t mean much-?” Merlin gaped at him. “ _You ass-_ It means everything to me.” He crashed forward into a crushing hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Arthur’s neck. If the desk hadn’t been behind him, Arthur probably would have fallen over. He wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, bowing his head into Merlin’s neck.

Merlin let out a breath, his nose brushing Arthur’s hair. “I thought it might be you. I thought I was in love with you, but a mark didn’t appear and I hadn’t gotten one in so long. Then I did and it was _black_ and I thought you couldn’t love me. But…”

Arthur squeezed Merlin’s waist reassuringly. “I do love you, Merlin.” If he was honest, it was probably the first time he let himself think it wholly. “That sixth tally mark appeared and I thought I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t go through the heartbreak. Especially not from you.”

Merlin leaned away, just enough to look at Arthur, his brows pinched together and lips pursed. “I don’t want to break your heart.” Merlin’s hand came up to Arthur’s chest, pressing over his racing heart. Arthur didn’t want these familiar touches to ever stop.

“I know.” Arthur said, thinking of those pink marks on his arm. “No one really wants to. I don’t blame them.”

Merlin’s brows pulled together. “You shouldn’t blame yourself, either.”

Somehow Merlin already knew that Arthur blamed himself for falling in love. Of course he had, no one knew him better than Merlin. Arthur sighed and leaned his head against Merlin’s shoulder. “I know that. Somewhere, I do know that.” He ran his hands down to Merlin’s arms, looking down at the black mark on Merlin’s wrist. “I couldn’t help it as much as they couldn’t help it.”

Merlin bent down and kissed Arthur’s cheek. It was quick, sweet, and it surprised Arthur. When Arthur looked up, Merlin’s ears were pink and he didn’t look Arthur in the eye.

Arthur pulled him forward, hinting and asking a question with a shy look. Merlin made some noise, a mix of breath and a nod before Arthur kissed him softly. His thumbs ran over Arthur’s jaw, kissing Arthur back with a slow eagerness, like he wanted to map Arthur out but also knowing that they had time to do just that.

Between breathy kisses, Arthur asked, “Take the day off with me?” He wanted nothing more than to spend the entire day by Merlin. He wanted to press close to Merlin, lay kisses over his body and tell him things that he wouldn’t dare mention anywhere but in private.

“Yeah” Merlin answered, and later added, “Do you mind if I take a nap? I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

Arthur laughed, holding onto Merlin’s waist and sniggering into his neck. “You’re running on caffeine fumes aren’t you?” Arthur asked.

“More like pure hysteria.” Merlin confessed, “I think I scared my poor neighbor. She’s never seen me up this early.”

Arthur couldn’t help the snorting laugh that escaped him, remembering it was an ungodly hour of seven o’clock in the morning. Merlin slapped him and tried to tell him that it wasn’t funny, but he ended up laughing too.

“Come on,” Merlin grabbed Arthur’s briefcase and his own bag. “I need a nap and I’ll let you be the big spoon.”

Arthur’s mind was a blur as he walked down the office halls. And as soon as they got into the lift, Merlin pressed close to him, pecking a kiss to his cheek, and leaned against him contently. Arthur never felt so excited and content in a single moment. Both their shirt sleeves were rolled up and Arthur realized that not only was he not itching to cover his marks, he wanted someone to see their matching black marks.

Arthur drove them to Merlin’s apartment. Obviously the adrenaline that had kept him up during the night was wearing off because Merlin dosed on the car ride over.

“Lazy idiot” Arthur pulled him up and wrapped his arm around Merlin’s waist as he dragged him up to his apartment. Arthur reveled in the way Merlin leaned into him, knowing that Merlin had only been this touchy when he was drunk.

“Do you want me to make you something before I sleep?” Merlin asked when they got into his flat. He looked sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’m going to make some tea for myself. You can sleep.” Arthur said, nodding toward the bedroom. Merlin looked back and forth between Arthur and the bedroom. Arthur smiled and added, “Don’t worry, you can use me as a pillow in a minute.”

Merlin brightened up again, “Good. You’re probably good at being a pillow.”

“Are you calling me fat?” Arthur teased.

Merlin said nothing and gave a cheeky grin. He escaped to the bedroom before Arthur could throw the dish towel at him, a laugh running through the air.

A couple minutes later when Arthur entered the bedroom, he thought Merlin was sleeping. He sipped his tea and sat next to him, his back against the headboard. Merlin turned over and nuzzled into Arthur’s thigh, “Pillow” was the only thing Arthur heard him say.

So Arthur squirmed out of Merlin’s grasp long enough to take off his shirt and trousers and then he found one of Merlin’s flannel sweat pants, and dipped under the covers next him.

“Hi” Merlin said, his eyes open and looking at Arthur under ruffled black fringe.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.” Arthur reprimanded.

“I will.” Merlin said as he took Arthur’s arm and looked down at the marks again. Arthur wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he didn’t say anything. Arthur was still self-conscious about how many he had.

Arthur pressed forward, only bare space between them. They closed their eyes and breathed for a moment, fingers tracing jaws and lips, before their lips captured each other’s. Merlin let out a breathy sound that made Arthur’s hair stand on end and Merlin’s nail dug into Arthur’s forearms, where the marks were. Merlin pulled away and nuzzled Arthur’s jaw, rubbing the skin of Arthur’s forearm apologetically.

Arthur pulled his arm back and pushed Merlin’s shoulder, telling him to turn over. Merlin obeyed and he let Arthur pull him into being the little spoon. He pushed back into Arthur’s chest and for a moment Arthur felt a rush of affection before they were both fast asleep.

When he woke up, Merlin was drowsily watching him.

“You’re the one who didn’t get sleep.” Arthur mumbled the first thing that came to mind and he rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah, but you’ve been looking tired for the last month. I let you sleep.” Merlin pressed his fingers to Arthur’s forehead. Arthur swatted him away and Merlin laughed at him.

“Time is it?” Arthur grumbled as he looked up at the clock to see that it was eleven in the morning.

“Lunch?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah, but first.” Arthur pulled Merlin down, still hazy with sleep, and kissed him. Merlin let out a little noise of surprise before returning the kiss. Arthur was beginning to enjoy himself, Merlin half laying on top of him, when Merlin pulled away.

“Okay,” Merlin hummed as he hovered above Arthur, “Hold that thought. I’m starving.”

Arthur groaned loudly, “Only you would think with your stomach after getting a mark.” He fell back into the pillows as Merlin jumped off the bed. But then Arthur’s stomach growled and he had to admit he was hungry. Maybe he and Merlin were more suited for each than he had ever thought.

They made sandwiches from whatever Merlin had in his kitchen, purposefully bumping into each other as they passed the food to one another. Merlin kept smiling at him every time they touched and Arthur was too enamored to stop nudging him. If pushing each other was their kind of affection, Arthur was surprised they hadn’t done this sooner considering how much they bickered.

As they sat down to eat, Merlin tapped Arthur’s wrist cautiously, “Can I ask about the other marks?”

Arthur self-consciously rubbed at his arm where the tally marks were. For a moment he itched to cover them, but Merlin had already seen them and he was at least proud of the black mark on his skin. Merlin was looking at him like he didn’t mind if Arthur said yes or no. He was only curious, not insisting.

Arthur nodded, “Yeah. Okay.”

Merlin asked questions and Arthur answered. Merlin never said that Arthur had been stupid for falling in love nor did he reprimand him for giving his heart away so easily. He didn’t even give Arthur a pitying look when he talked about Sophia or Vivian. If anything he looked confused as to why they didn’t try to love him back. Arthur thought that said a lot about Merlin, the fact that he would try to give love to people no matter what. Arthur thought he had already been in as deep as he could get with Merlin, but apparently this was the beginning of the journey.

“You really don’t think having six marks is bad, do you?” Arthur asked.

“ _Arthur_ ,” Merlin sighed, “Until you, I only had one mark. And I was _thirteen_. I can’t judge anyone for how many marks they have.”

Arthur felt his brows pull together. “That isn’t a bad thing.”

“My only love was when I was barely a teenager. Doesn’t that sound stupid to you?”

“It’s not stupid.” Arthur insisted.

“If one mark isn’t stupid, why do you care about your marks?” Merlin pointed out.

“Only fools who can’t see past their noses have six marks and still under the age of thirty.” Arthur felt his own jaw tighten. “Not to mention that four of them are red.”

“Three.” Merlin said as he pressed his thumb to his black mark on Arthur’s arm.

“I always wished that I had more marks.” Merlin said after a moment. “I tried so hard to love people and yet marks never appeared. I did love them. I know that.”

Arthur’s heart swelled. “You do, Merlin. You love openly and fully. Maybe it’s not seen in the marks, but you do.”

“And what about you?” Merlin asked, “How do you love?”

Merlin was looking at Arthur with such open affection. Arthur could not begin to grasp it, but he hoped he would have ages to get to know this feeling. He was a private person and his love was something he wanted to share only with Merlin. Arthur took Merlin’s hand. “I keep my love close.” He led him away from the table, pulling Merlin down the hall, and into Merlin’s bedroom.

Arthur kissed him slowly, pulling off both of their shirts. Merlin sighed, his eyes closing and head falling back as Arthur kisses his shoulder.

“Okay?” Arthur asked.

“I may have only gotten a mark yesterday,” Merlin said as he slipped his fingers into Arthur’s hair, “But I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Arthur had to swallow back the overwhelming feeling that rose in his chest before he kissed Merlin again and said, “Me too.”

Merlin hummed as he ran his teeth over Arthur’s shoulder. “I’ve thought about this before.” Their trousers were kicked off and Merlin led Arthur to the bed.

Arthur wasn’t sure his mind or body could take any of Merlin’s confessions at the moment, so he pressed kisses all over Merlin’s mouth, making sure he was too distracted to take Arthur apart.

Merlin laid out on the bed and not only let Arthur press lingering kisses along his body, but his noises encouraged Arthur. His breath came in long huffs, short choked off moans, or hisses and pleas of pleasure. Arthur wanted to know what spots elicited each noise and what they meant. He pictured himself doing this in the future: after a long day at work, on holidays with Merlin, or on a lazy Sunday morning. He wanted this love with Merlin to last, even when they were old and grey, when they only showed love through making each other tea and pecking kisses on cheeks.

Merlin must have appreciated Arthur’s constant attention, because he was a mess of moans and breathes under Arthur’s mouth and hands. Arthur didn’t end his exploration until Merlin pulled him back, lifting Arthur’s face to hover above Merlin’s.

“You’re going to make me go mad.” Merlin whined as he pulled Arthur away from his neck again. “Turn over.” He pushed Arthur onto the bed and straddled him.

Arthur couldn’t make sense of his feelings, how he selfishly wanted every part of Merlin for himself but also selflessly wanted to make Merlin feel exceptional without any gain for himself. All he could do was kiss Merlin’s reddened mouth and run his fingers over Merlin’s skin.

“It’s different with you, you know that right?” Arthur said, trying to make sense of his thoughts. Merlin sucked bruises into Arthur’s chest, dragging his nails over Arthur’s stomach.  “You’re not like the other marks. I feel this more than I ever did with the others.”

Merlin looked up, watching Arthur for a long moment. He touched Arthur’s jaw. “It doesn’t matter that you’ve loved people before. That isn’t a crime or something to be ashamed of.” Merlin smiled and pressed an almost chaste kiss to Arthur’s lips “But it makes me feel good all the same.”

Merlin started kissing him harsher and more drawn out, his hips rolling along Arthur’s. Arthur wrapped his hand around both of them and gasped as Merlin let out a surprisingly loud moan. It emboldened Arthur’s efforts.

“What do you want?” Arthur asked, his heart picking up pace and his blush moved down to his chest.

“God, I don’t know.” Merlin’s hips stuttered and stopped moving. He moved down so that he was hovering over Arthur’s cock, “Hold on, let me…”

Arthur cried out as Merlin licked and sucked him down in one fluid motion. Arthur clutched at the pillow next to his head and stiffened his muscles, trying not to thrust or come at that moment. Merlin was enthusiastic and relentless. He pressed into Arthur’s balls and nipped at them. He teased the slit of Arthur’s cock and moved his hand steadily around the base.

After Arthur couldn’t take it any longer, he pulled Merlin off with a stuttered gasp. “God, stop, stop, I won’t last. I want to last.”

Merlin smiled up at him slyly, humming as he kissed Arthur’s stomach.

“The death of me” was all Arthur could get out with a few pants. He pulled Merlin back up and kissed him, adoring the way Merlin held his face tenderly and settled on Arthur’s hips.

“I love you.” Merlin said suddenly between a kiss and a nip on Arthur’s lip.

Arthur pulled away, watching the way Merlin looked so coy, despite his usual brazen self. Without warning Arthur sat up, tossing Merlin so that his back was pressed into the mattress and Arthur’s legs were in between Merlin’s. “Never stop saying that.” Arthur commanded and started making a bright red mark on Merlin’s collarbone.

Merlin’s laugh burst out of him, like a joyful firecracker, his fingers pulling on Arthur’s hair and his nails dragging across his scalp. “Needy, are we?” Merlin said.

“Surprisingly” Arthur said, almost drawling, “It means more to me than you can imagine.”

Merlin didn’t laugh this time, only looking up at Arthur with a small content quirk of his lips. “Then I suppose I’ll just have to keep telling you.”

“Yes, I suppose so.” Arthur said as he kissed down Merlin’s torso.

“And what about me?” Merlin asked, his voice escalating as Arthur licked his cock, bobbing up and down a few times.

“What about you?” Arthur asked, his voice rougher.

Merlin whimpered a little before continuing. “Don’t I get to hear it to? For you to never stop saying it to me?”

Arthur let Merlin forget his question for a moment as he lavished attention to his cock. Merlin was making the kinds of noises that Arthur wanted to hear over and over again. When Merlin started rocking his hips, Arthur stopped, not wanting it to be over too soon.

Arthur crawled up Merlin’s body again, hovering over his face. Merlin’s eyes were half lidded with blissed-out pleasure. “I’m not good at dealing with my emotions.” Arthur whispered. “I’ve gotten so used to hiding my marks, afraid of showing too much of myself. I keep things close to the vest.” Merlin reached up and ran his fingers over Arthur’s jaw. Arthur caught them and kissed the tip of Merlin’s fingers. “But I love you and I’ll try my best to tell you. In my own ways.”

“I wouldn’t want you any other way.” Merlin kissed him softly, eventually turning the kiss into nips and long pulls.

He opened his legs farther, running his calf along Arthur’s side. Arthur captured Merlin’s ankle and pushed his leg close to his chest. Merlin’s eyes were like they were on fire as he smiled at Arthur and encouraged him onward. Arthur opened him up, never stopping his kisses and enjoying the breathy noises Merlin made.

When they both were ready, Merlin held onto the pillow above his head, his collarbones sticking out at a sharp angle, and Arthur pushed inside of him slowly. Arthur held himself up and took a couple steadying breathes. “Okay?” he gasped a little.

Merlin nodded, his eyes closed shut and teeth biting his lower lip. “God, _Arthur_.” Merlin ran his hands over Arthur’s chest, his eyes still closed. He hummed. “Come on.” He opened his eyes and rolled his hips just enough so that Arthur slipped in and out slightly.

Arthur let out a grunt, and levered his arms so that his breath ghosted over Merlin shoulder. “Yes, keep going.” Merlin encouraged, more long and short breaths escaping him.

He thrust, keeping a rhythm. Arthur felt his whole body flush with exertion and lust. He moaned into Merlin’s skin and took Merlin’s cock in hand, trying to match the pace. Merlin arched his back, pushing down more. “ _Yes_ ” His voice left a hissing breath on Arthur’s neck.

“Merlin.” Arthur had to tilt Merlin’s chin to catch his lips. They had to pull away soon as their motions became too erratic and close to the edge. Arthur hurried his pace as Merlin ran his nails over Arthur’s chest, breathing out soft sounds.

Merlin choked off a moan as his orgasm hit him. He whimpered and shuddered under Arthur, grabbing Arthur’s arms and thrusting erratically. Arthur gasped and felt an unexpected noise escape his chest. Merlin didn’t stop rolling his hips down until Arthur came. Arthur muffled his groan by pressing his face into the crook of Merlin’s neck.

After Arthur pulled out and tossed the condom away, Merlin pulled him down and kissed him until all the air from Arthur’s lungs was gone. Arthur gasped and let his heart slow down, holding onto Merlin’s hand to steady himself.

“Fantastic.” Merlin hummed as he nuzzled into Arthur’s neck.

“Should have been doing this ages ago” Arthur joked lightly as he squeezed Merlin’s hand.

“Didn’t know you had a tally mark for me, you ass.” Merlin pointed out, with a lazy smile, his eyes closing slowly.

“Didn’t want to risk something so important” Arthur murmured softly.

Merlin’s eyes opened once more, his lips opening as if to speak. Then he only smiled and kissed Arthur.

“I’m glad you got another mark.” Merlin said.

Arthur felt his heart flutter and he closed his eyes. “Me too.”

**Epilogue**

“..and then this package needs to get to Mithian by the time she leaves. She’s taking an early day, so it needs to get to her as soon as possible, before she leaves.” Arthur said to Sefa, the mail girl. “These reports go to Eylan on the third floor. Got it?”

Sefa stared at him. She had been working for him for over two years, so he wasn’t sure why she was staring at him. She had always been good at remembering the lists of packages he needed delivered, but she looked a little stunned.

“Do I need to repeat myself, Miss Rudan?” Arthur raised a brow at her.

She finally looked up at him with consciousness in her eyes. She smiled at him, which was weird, and then she nodded, gathered the packages, and left. She looked back once, seeming to assess Arthur one more time before pushing her mail cart down the hall.

Arthur shrugged it off. She was probably having an off day and it was late in the afternoon. Everyone got weary around three o’clock, and Arthur was more than tired. Though, he had been lying off the heavy work days ever since he and Merlin had gotten together, he still was head of the company. Some days couldn’t help but be demanding.

Maybe everyone was having an off day because several other people had been giving him weird looks. Maybe the coffee machine was broken. He needed to check that. Merlin had been out on an errand half the day, and Arthur chalked up his own weariness to the lack of an assistant. Nothing to do with his boyfriend not being in the same proximity. Not at all.

When Merlin returned just before the end of the day, Arthur was relieved to see him.

“Did something happen while I was gone?” Merlin asked as he set down a tea for Arthur, sipping on his own. He leaned against Arthur’s desk, only a short space between where Arthur was working. Arthur tried to focus on his reports.

“No, not that I know of” Arthur nodded his thanks for the tea.

“Hm,” Merlin hummed. “The office’s buzzing with gossip.”

“Aren’t you usually the first one to know all the gossip?” Arthur looked up with a raised brow.

Merlin only shrugged, not denying that he helped spread news. Gossip was simply part of working in an office. “They stopped talking when I came near.”

Arthur stopped typing. A hot streak of anger flitted through his system before he controlled himself again. “If someone is spreading rumors about you-”

“Relax, Arthur.” Merlin laughed, his eyes crinkling around the edges. “Gwen will probably end up telling me. It could be about you for all we know.”

Arthur grumbled. “Why is it always about me?” It tended to be rumors about how demanding or rude he was, but Arthur could get over that. If anyone was gossiping about Merlin though, that was a different situation.

A knock came at the door and Kara appeared after Arthur called her in. She was doing the same odd staring that Sefa had been doing earlier that day, but it wasn’t only at him. She was looking at Merlin just as weirdly. When she left, after getting Arthur’s signature on a form, Arthur felt like he missed something.

“ _God_ , what is that rumor? It’s not just me, right? She was acting odd.” Arthur said as he twirled his pen.

Merlin looked at him for a moment before he burst out laughing. He bent over, holding his waist and grabbing Arthur’s shoulder for balance.

“For the love of- What the hell Merlin!” Arthur yelled.

“You loveable idiot” Merlin leaned down and kissed him. Arthur was surprised to say the least, giving out a surprised noise. They had promised not to show any displays of affection at the office, on principle. No one at work knew that they were dating, though to be fair Arthur wasn’t stupid enough to think some people hadn’t guessed.

“What was that?” Arthur asked when Merlin pulled away.

“Your sleeve’s rolled up.” Merlin smiled contently as he rubbed a thumb over Arthur’s jaw.

“What?” Arthur looked at his arms where he had rolled up his sleeves. It was one of those days where he didn’t give a damn about propriety and just wanted to get work done. That could hardly be the reason everyone was- “Oh shit.”

He looked at the now familiar six marks on his wrist. They were prominent against his skin, but the black one stuck out the most.

“Damn. Sefa must have seen them and spread it all over the office.” Arthur concluded. Mail girls were notorious for spreading gossip. “Well there goes my heartless bastard reputation.”

“You don’t care?” Merlin asked carefully.

“That everyone thinks I’m a heartless bastard? No. Everyone works a hell of a lot better when they think I’m evil.”

“No, I mean” Merlin traced the marks. “You don’t care that everyone knows you have six marks?”

Arthur hadn’t even thought of that. He suddenly realized that he didn’t care. He looked up at Merlin, probably looking a little shocked at the realization. “No. I guess not.”

“You don’t care that they know about your black mark?” Merlin smirked as if he was trying to lighten the serious question “That you have a heart after all?”

Arthur stood up and took Merlin in his arms. “Definitely not.” Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s lips lightly. He could feel Merlin’s smile against his lips, and he felt his own heart pick up pace. Arthur knew the mark on his wrist was barely the tip of the iceberg and every day Arthur felt it more and more.

“I suppose you better spread the news that we’re dating.” Arthur said. “Otherwise the office will get nothing done tomorrow.”

“Hm” Merlin tipped his head to the side, pretending to think about it. “I’m tempted to let the rumors fly. See what they come up with.”

Arthur shook his head and laughed. “I don’t think it’ll take too long for them to figure it out.”

“To be fair, Gwen told me there were rumors that we were shagging only a couple months after I started working here.” Merlin said.

“What?” Arthur gaped. “But we couldn’t stand each other! I actually thought you were trying to make me sack you.”

“For a while, I actually was.” Merlin grinned proudly.

Arthur looked up beseechingly. “It’s a miracle we are even here” he groaned.

“Yes,” Merlin circled his arms around Arthur’s neck, “It’s a miracle I love you, Arthur Pendragon.”

“Hey.” Arthur rolled his eyes and said, “ _I’m wonderful_ ” before kissing him. They stayed like there for a while. It was the end of a rough day, and he would be damned if he couldn’t kiss his boyfriend for a moment.

Arthur pulled up Merlin’s sleeve up and pressed a light kiss to his black mark. Then, because Merlin already knew what Arthur meant, he whispered, “Love you, too”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been sitting on my computer for ages, and I'm glad to finally finish and post it. I love feedback and truly appreciate the comments :)


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